Telling new mothers to build a village just gives them something else to fail at

May 1, 2026 - 18:38

New research reveals that one in ten parents have no support network at all. For Charlotte Cripps, this statistic is hardly surprising. The popular advice to "build your village" has become a well-meaning but hollow mantra in modern parenting circles. The idea of community and cooperation sounds idyllic, but the harsh reality for many new mothers is a profound sense of isolation.

The problem is not that women don't want a village. It is that the very structure of modern life makes one nearly impossible to assemble. Families are often scattered across cities or countries. Friends are equally busy, juggling their own careers and children. The expectation that a new mother, already exhausted and overwhelmed, should also be responsible for networking, organizing playdates, and forging deep bonds with neighbors is another task added to an impossible list.

When this advice fails, it creates a new layer of guilt. A mother who feels alone is now also made to feel inadequate for failing to build the support system she was told she needed. The burden should not be on the exhausted parent to construct a community from scratch. Instead, the conversation needs to shift toward systemic changes: better parental leave policies, affordable childcare, and public spaces designed for connection. Telling a struggling mother to find her village is not a solution. It is just one more thing for her to fail at.