Preparing for a New Sibling While Staying Connected to Your First Child

29 March 2025

Bringing a new baby into the family is an exciting milestone, but it can also stir up a lot of emotions—especially for your firstborn. They’ve been the center of your world, and now they have to share that space with someone new. Understandably, this transition can be overwhelming for them.

If you're wondering how to welcome your new baby while reassuring your first child that they are still deeply loved, you're not alone. Let’s dive into practical ways to prepare your firstborn for their sibling while keeping your bond strong.

Understanding Your First Child’s Emotions

Your firstborn has only ever known life with your undivided attention. Now, their entire world is changing, and with that change can come a whirlwind of emotions—excitement, jealousy, confusion, and even anxiety.

Signs Your Firstborn Might Be Struggling

- Increased clinginess – They may suddenly want to be held all the time.
- Regression – Behaviors like thumb-sucking or potty accidents might resurface.
- Acting out – Tantrums and defiance may become more frequent.
- Expressing sadness – They might say things like, “You don’t love me anymore.”

These behaviors are natural. Your child isn’t being “bad”—they’re just trying to process a big change in the only ways they know how.

How to Prepare Your Firstborn Before the Baby Arrives

1. Talk About the Baby Early and Often

Start talking about the new sibling as soon as possible. Keep it positive but realistic, saying things like:

🍼 “The baby will need a lot of attention, but that doesn’t change how much we love you.”

Encourage them to ask questions and express their feelings.

2. Let Them Be Part of the Process

Make your firstborn feel included in the preparations:
- Let them help pick out baby clothes.
- Involve them in choosing the nursery decor.
- Ask their opinion on baby names (even if they suggest something wild like “Spiderman”).

3. Read Books About Siblings

Children's books about new siblings can help your firstborn visualize what’s coming. Some great options include:
- I Am a Big Brother! by Caroline Jayne Church
- The New Small Person by Lauren Child
- You Were the First by Patricia MacLachlan

Books help normalize their emotions and show them that they’re not alone.

4. Reinforce Their Special Role

Let them know they’re not being “replaced”—they’re being promoted! Tell them:

👧 “You’re going to be the best big brother/sister. The baby is so lucky to have you.”

By framing it as an important role rather than a loss, they’ll feel empowered instead of threatened.

5. Maintain Their Usual Routine

A familiar routine gives children a sense of security, especially during big life changes. Try to keep their daily schedule as consistent as possible, from bedtime routines to mealtimes.

Helping Your Firstborn Adjust After the Baby Arrives

Once the baby is here, life gets hectic. Sleepless nights, constant diaper changes, and feeding schedules can make it easy to accidentally neglect your firstborn’s emotional needs. Here’s how to stay connected to them.

1. Set Aside One-on-One Time

Even if it's just 10 minutes a day, carve out dedicated time for your firstborn. Some simple ideas:
- A short bedtime story with just the two of you.
- A quick walk around the block.
- A special “big kid” snack together while the baby naps.

These little moments reassure them that they’re still a priority.

2. Let Them Help with the Baby (If They Want)

Giving them small responsibilities can help them feel involved instead of left out. They can:
- Grab a diaper for you.
- Help sing lullabies to calm the baby.
- Gently pat the baby’s back after feeding.

Just be sure to follow their lead—some kids love helping, while others prefer to keep their distance at first.

3. Acknowledge Their Feelings (Even the Tough Ones)

Your child will feel frustrated sometimes, and that’s okay. Instead of saying, “Don’t be jealous,” try:

💛 “It’s hard when the baby needs so much attention, huh? I still love you just the same.”

Validating their emotions helps them work through jealousy in a healthy way.

4. Avoid Blaming the Baby for Changes

It’s tempting to say, “We can’t go to the park because the baby needs a nap.” But this can make your firstborn resent their sibling.

Instead, rephrase it in a way that includes them:

🌳 “We can go to the park after we help the baby take a nap—maybe you can pick out a book to read together while we wait?”

This small shift in wording can make a big difference in how they perceive their sibling’s presence.

5. Encourage Bonding (But Don’t Force It)

Every sibling relationship develops at its own pace. Some kids take to their new sibling immediately, while others need time.
- Let them give gentle kisses or high-fives when they feel comfortable.
- Praise them when they show kindness toward the baby.
- Share how much the baby adores them: “Look how the baby smiles when they see you!”

Let their connection grow naturally, without pressure.

When to Seek Extra Support

If your firstborn seems excessively withdrawn, aggressive, or deeply sad for an extended period, consider reaching out to a pediatrician or child psychologist. They can provide guidance to help navigate the emotional transition.

Final Thoughts

Welcoming a new baby is one of the biggest transitions a family can experience—but with love, patience, and intentional actions, your bond with your firstborn will remain strong.

At the end of the day, your child doesn’t need you to be perfect. They just need to know they’re still cherished, important, and irreplaceable.

So take a deep breath, embrace the chaos, and remind your firstborn (and yourself) that love isn’t something that gets divided—it’s something that multiplies.