When grandma says 'yes' and mum says 'no', here's how to navigate the parenting tug-of-war

October 10, 2026 - 18:49

As more families depend on grandparents for daily childcare, disagreements over food, discipline, and routines have become a common source of tension at home. A grandparent may allow sweets before dinner or skip a nap, while a parent insists on strict rules. These small conflicts can grow into larger arguments if they are left unaddressed.

Family counsellors say the first step is to accept that grandparents and parents often have different ideas about raising children. Grandparents may rely on methods they used decades ago, while parents follow newer advice. Neither side is necessarily wrong, but the lack of a shared approach can confuse children and strain relationships.

Experts suggest parents set clear limits on the issues that matter most, such as safety and health, and let go of smaller matters. A calm conversation works better than a list of demands. It also helps to explain the reason behind a rule instead of simply saying no. Grandparents are more likely to cooperate when they feel respected and included rather than corrected.

Councillors also recommend agreeing on a few simple routines that everyone follows, such as meal times and screen limits. When grandparents feel like partners instead of hired help, they are less likely to feel undermined. Parents, in turn, should show appreciation for the free care they receive. If a conflict becomes frequent or heated, a neutral family member or counsellor can help both sides talk it through. The goal is not to win the argument but to give the child a consistent and caring environment.