Parenting expert shares tips to deal with your teen

August 26, 2026 - 00:03

Parenting a teenager often feels like navigating a minefield blindfolded. One minute they are laughing with you, the next they are slamming doors and questioning every rule you set. It is exhausting, and it is easy to feel like you are failing. But the truth is, most parents of teens are in the same boat, even if it does not look that way from the outside.

Dr. Scott Sells, a family therapist with decades of experience, says the biggest mistake parents make is trying to control a teenager the same way they did when the child was ten. That approach stops working. Teens are wired to push back as they build their own identity. The goal is not to win every argument, but to keep the relationship intact while setting firm boundaries.

One practical tip he offers is to stop lecturing. When you talk for five minutes straight, a teen stops listening after about thirty seconds. Instead, ask a single question and then wait. Let the silence sit. It feels uncomfortable, but it forces the teen to engage. Another key move is to separate the behavior from the person. Saying "you are so lazy" gets a wall up. Saying "I noticed your chores are not done, what is the plan to finish them?" keeps the door open.

Dr. Sells also warns against the trap of trying to be your teen's best friend. They do not need another friend. They need a parent who can hold a line with calm confidence. If you give in to every demand just to avoid a fight, you will end up with a bigger fight later. Pick your battles, but when you do choose one, follow through. That means no empty threats. If you say the phone goes away for the night, then it goes away.

Finally, he reminds parents to take care of their own stress first. A calm parent has a much better chance of calming a chaotic teen. If you are yelling, you have already lost the argument. Step back, breathe, and come back to the conversation later if you need to. The goal is not to control your teen's every move. It is to guide them toward making better choices on their own. That takes time, patience, and a lot of deep breaths. But it is possible.