Nina Bandelj: How moms can fight the emotional burnout fueled by modern parenting

June 6, 2026 - 22:06

There is a meaningful difference between being emotionally available as a parent and being completely exhausted. According to sociologist Nina Bandelj, that line has become dangerously blurred for many mothers today. The pressure to be a perfect, constantly engaged parent is not just a personal failing or a sign of weakness. It is a structural problem baked into modern life.

Bandelj argues that the current model of parenting demands an impossible level of emotional labor. Moms are expected to manage their own feelings while also regulating their children's emotions, all while navigating work, household duties, and social expectations. This relentless performance of care, often without adequate support from partners or community, leads to what she calls emotional burnout. It is a state where a mother feels numb, resentful, or simply too drained to connect.

The culprit is not bad parenting. It is a culture that glorifies self-sacrifice and treats a mother's emotional well-being as secondary. Bandelj suggests that fighting this burnout requires a shift in perspective. Instead of trying to do it all, mothers need to set firm boundaries and recognize that their own emotional reserves are finite. It also means demanding more from partners, employers, and policymakers. The goal is not to be a perfect parent, but a present one who has enough left for herself.