Don’t let social media dopamine lead to putting clicks above parenting - Elizabeth Scalia

September 3, 2026 - 18:44

There is an old saying, often attributed to Saint Augustine, that goes something like, "Bad times, hard times... We are the times. Such as we are, such are the times." It is a sobering reminder that the culture we complain about is largely a reflection of our own choices. And right now, our choices are revealing a troubling habit: we are putting the dopamine hit of a social media notification ahead of the slow, unglamorous work of parenting.

I once knew a mother who thought it was hilarious to tease babies. She would hold a cookie in front of a toddler, let them reach for it, and then snatch it away at the last second. The child would cry, and she would laugh, calling it a joke. It was not funny. It was a small act of cruelty that taught the child that trust was fragile and that pleasure was always just out of reach.

We do something similar to our children every day, but we do it with our phones. We are physically present, but our minds are scrolling. We offer them our distracted attention, the half-hearted "uh-huh" while we check a comment thread, and then we wonder why they feel unheard. We are teaching them, by example, that the buzz of a device is more important than the person sitting right in front of us.

The problem is not that we use social media. The problem is that we let its algorithm dictate our priorities. We chase likes and retweets as if they were currency, while the real treasure, the fleeting moments of childhood, slips away unnoticed. We need to step back. We need to put the phone down, look our kids in the eye, and remember that the most important notification is the one that says, "Look at me, Mom. Watch this." If we do not answer that call, we will have no one to blame but ourselves for the times we have created.