How to Talk to Your Child About Their First Day at School

29 June 2025

Ah, the first day of school—it’s a big deal, especially for your little one. It's a huge milestone, filled with excitement, nerves, and a whole lot of emotions you probably haven’t seen bottled up like this before. For parents, it can be just as overwhelming. You’re likely wondering: What if my child cries? What if they don't make friends? What should I say to help?

Well, you're in the right place.

Let’s break this down together. This guide will walk you through how to talk to your child before, during, and after their very first day at school. We’ll cover how to ease their fears, encourage open communication, and help them build the confidence they need to take that first step with a smile.

Why This Conversation Matters

First things first, talking to your child about their first day of school isn’t just about logistics—where their lunchbox goes or how to find the bathroom. It’s about emotional preparation.

Kids Feel More Than They Say

Especially younger kids. Sometimes they don’t have the right words for their feelings, and that can come out as silence, tantrums, or clinginess. Talking helps them label their emotions and feel safe.

You’re Setting the Tone

The way you talk about school sets the stage for how they’ll feel about it. Frame it as a positive adventure, and they'll be more likely to approach it with excitement.

Before the Big Day: Starting the Conversation

1. Bring It Up Early (and Casually)

Don’t wait until the night before to chat about school. Start planting the seed a few weeks ahead. Keep it casual—maybe when you’re at the park or during bath time.

"Hey, you know how big kids go to school? You're going soon! Isn't that cool?"

Let them warm up to the idea without pressure.

2. Read Books About School

Storytime can be a powerful tool. Pick up a few picture books about the first day of school. These stories give your child a way to relate to characters and understand the process in a fun, non-threatening way.

Suggestions:

- _The Kissing Hand_ by Audrey Penn
- _First Day Jitters_ by Julie Danneberg
- _Wemberly Worried_ by Kevin Henkes

Pause while reading and ask, “How do you think she’s feeling right now?” Gauge their reactions and see where their head is.

3. Validate Their Feelings

Kids can feel anything from excitement to downright terror. Instead of brushing their fears off with a cheerful “You’ll be fine!”, try really tuning in.

Say something like:

- “I know it’s a little scary. That’s okay.”
- “I felt nervous my first day too.”
- “Want to tell me what part makes you feel that way?”

You’re not trying to solve everything—you’re just being a safe place for their emotions to land.

Morning Of: Calming The Nerves

So the big day is here. You’ve packed the lunch, double-checked the backpack, and maybe even cried a little when they weren’t looking. Now, what do you say?

4. Keep It Light, But Confident

Your energy is contagious. If you’re anxious, they’ll pick up on it. If you’re calm and cheerful, it helps soothe their nerves.

Try saying:

- “You are going to meet new friends and have so much fun!”
- “Your teacher is so excited to meet you.”
- “Remember what we talked about—if you feel nervous, just take a deep breath and think of something that makes you smile.”

5. Create a Goodbye Ritual

Having a special goodbye builds a sense of certainty in the unknown. It could be a secret handshake, a silly phrase, or even a little goodbye song.

Keep it short and sweet. Lingering drop-offs = tearful drop-offs.

After School: The Important Reunion Talk

When you pick them up, it’s tempting to blurt out, “How was your day?” But let’s be real—that question usually gets you a one-word answer, like “good” or “okay.”

So how do you really get them to open up?

6. Ask Specific Questions

Instead of the vague “How was school?”, go with more targeted, playful questions:

- “What was the best thing you did today?”
- “Did anyone have a funny lunch?”
- “What color was your teacher's shirt?”
- “Did you play with anyone at recess?”

These invite real conversation and help you paint a picture of their day.

7. Don’t Push Right Away

Some kids need time to process. They’ve just had a rollercoaster of a day—new faces, rules, routines. Give them time to decompress. Maybe chat later during snack time or while they unwind with some play.

Dealing With Big Feelings

What if your child doesn’t want to go back the next day? What if there are tears, complaints, or worries?

Totally normal.

8. Normalize Setbacks

Assure them that it’s okay to not love every moment. School is new, and new things can be tricky.

Say something like:

- “It’s okay to feel a little unsure. That doesn't mean you won’t like it tomorrow.”
- “Remember how you felt nervous before swim lessons and then you loved it?”

Draw from their past wins to build confidence.

9. Stay In Touch With The Teacher

If the hesitation persists, don’t hesitate to loop in the teacher. They’ve seen it all and can offer guidance, reassurance, and updates from the classroom that might ease your mind and help your child.

Building a Growth Mindset

How you talk about challenges and mistakes can shape your child’s views on learning and self-worth. This starts from day one.

10. Praise Effort, Not Just Results

Instead of: “You’re so smart!”

Try: “I’m proud of how brave you were going in by yourself!” or “You kept trying even when it was hard—that’s amazing!”

This teaches resilience and helps them feel proud of trying, not just achieving.

Tips to Make the Transition Smoother

Let’s be real—no amount of prepping can erase every first-day hiccup. But these extra tips can smooth the edges:

- Do a Practice Run

Visit the school ahead of time if you can. Walk the halls, check out the classroom, and show them where the bathroom is.

- Establish Routines Early

Morning and bedtime routines help ground kids. The more predictable their day, the safer they feel.

- Stay Positive at Pickup

Even if they had a tough day, frame it as “one of many.” You could say, “That sounds hard, but I know tomorrow will be better.” Avoid diving into problem-solving mode right away.

The Long Game: Keep the Conversation Going

The first day isn’t a one-time conversation. Keep checking in, even once the novelty wears off.

Make it a habit—maybe during bedtime or dinner. Let them know that school is something you care about, and their thoughts and stories are worth sharing.

Final Thoughts

Talking to your child about their first day at school is less about having the perfect script and more about creating a safe space. Be their cheerleader, sounding board, and emotional anchor. With your support, they’ll grow into this new chapter with confidence and curiosity.

And hey—don’t forget to give yourself a little grace too. This is a big milestone for you as much as it is for them. You’ve got this.